A note from the editors: It is fascinating to note the serendipity of having published this little story only days before the Natanz and other weapons-grade nuclear enrichment facilities in Iran were destroyed with the very weapons we describe in the tale... albeit properly delivered via B-2 stealth bombers... The moral ambiguity of nations that hold massive nuclear weapons stockpiles and "keep peace" by pointing the threat of planetary annihilation at one another - playing "sheriff" on the nuclear aspirations of non-aligned nations is... well... not on the table in the present, fictional context.

CLASSIFIED MISSION LOG: OPERATION FLATBREAD

Transmitted from Orbital Command Node Zeta-9
Mission Control: Icarus Unit
Field Asset: Operative J (Deep Cover Infiltration Specialist)
Farsi fluency rating: "Native+"

PHASE I: BRIEFING AND DEPLOYMENT

-00:30 UTC — Operative J is briefed in the low-gravity debriefing dome aboard Zeta-9. Lead Coordinator Tharn explains the invisibility protocols: "Your aircraft will be cloaked in plasma-distortion fields and vibro-frequency diffusers. Radar returns will read as light agricultural mist. Visuals will suggest a particularly aggressive stork... That is, until you are within striking distance of your target. Your craft is equipped with integral MOP level penetrating and explosive capability - so we expect you to eject at 3,000 feet with your protective gear intact since you will be accelerating past Mach 2 before hitting your mark."

00:35 UTC — Operative questions feasibility of ejection protocols. Mission Control responds: "Ejection is optional. Target obliteration is not. Survival is not a mission objective... but like all good boys - when we're finished with you - you certainly deserve a lollipop."

PHASE II: INSERTION AND TARGET ACQUISITION

03:00 UTC — Operative J is deployed from orbital hangar aboard the stealth-adapted MK-Ultra-sonic fast-dive interceptor "Rod From Grog". Mission: infiltrate and destroy deep underground bunkers of Natanz nuclear enrichment facility.

03:26 UTC — After initially approaching from the West at an extremely terrain hugging altitude, Operative J accelerates to 1,000 knots approaching the Karkas mountain range. Radar detection is imminent as he ascends to dive altitude of 30,000 feet and accelerates into a steep dive. Mission Control arms the munition.

Operative J (comms): "I'm going high. Gotta make an entrance."

Mission Control (Icarus Unit): "Copy that, Commander..."

03:28 UTC — Visual acquisition of Natanz surface structures at 33.9092°N, 51.5858°E. Operative requests target coordinates for subterranean strike zone. Target confirmed: 250m SSE of visible compound. MOP ordinance is armed for detonation upon maximum penetration. Operative ordered to retract wings and direct the aircraft directly into the ground - penetration expected to exceed 60 meters of desert earth and 5 meters of reinforced concrete....

03:29 UTC — Operative initiates kamikaze dive, then ejects successfully at 3,000 ft. Parachute flares silently in the Iranian night sky... after initial deceleration he disconnects the parachute, activates his rocket packs and flies discreetly to the outskirts of a small nearby village - abandoning his gear and outfitting in native clothing.

Operative J (comms): "I'm out. I'm good. Bird is down. Bunker's blown all to hell. Making my way to the nearest village."

PHASE III: CULTURAL ASSIMILATION AND DINNER DIPLOMACY

04:07 UTC — Operative, dressed in robes and weathered boots, arrives in village east of Kuh-e Karkas. Papers in order. Identity: Dr. J. al-Karkasi, Lebanese archaeologist studying ancient Achaemenid toilet irrigation technology. Locals welcome him with cautious curiosity.

04:17 UTC — Meal served: fresh bread, eggplant, herbs, sheep’s milk. Operative delivers flawless Farsi, impresses elders. Mood: warm.

04:39 UTC — Conversation turns tense.

Elder: "Where did you say you came from again, Doctor?" Operative: "West. Over the mountains." Elder: "Before or after the facility exploded?"

04:40 UTC — Villagers begin to murmur. Operative tries diplomatic charm. Unfortunately (yet typically) he decides to compromise his own cover with characteristic Bond-style arrogance ... ("Bad Guy - JAMES Bad Guy...")

Operative: غذا عالی بود، ممنونم... ببخشید که تأسیسات هسته‌ای‌تون رو زدم... ولی وقتی کارمون تموم بشه، چادرها کنار می‌رن... خوبه، نه؟

(Translation: "The food was great, thank you... sorry I blew up your nuclear facility... but when our work is done... the veils will come off... and everyone will have Nintendos! Good! No? ")

04:41 UTC As the tension becomes visceral — Three cooks and two waitresses who were just pulling Kalashnikovs from under their robes are suddenly beamed aboard Zeta-9 (the alien orbital) before they can fire. Panic erupts.

Operative J calmly addresses the crowd:

اونایی که همین الآن به یه سفینه فضایی منتقل شدید، ممکنه توی جاهای ناآشنا احساس فشار بکنید — این روحانی نیست، فضاییه.

(Translation: Those of your village that were just beamed aboard an alien vessel may experience mild pressure, possibly followed by sharp, stabbing pain in unfamiliar places, then forget what happened—However, there's no reason to panic... it's not spiritual. It's spatial.")

The remaining armed Iranian villagers appear momentarily flummoxed by the ambiguous explanation for their comrades' sudden vanishment, Operative J takes advantage of the lull in lethal hostility to make his escape...

PHASE IV: ESCAPE AND EXTRACTION

04:45 UTC — Operative J flees the Cafe, steals aging Soviet-era motorcycle from panicked goat herder. Begins high-speed escape toward Tehran.

05:36 UTC — Pursued by black SUV convoy marked with personal insignia of a local high-ranking cleric. Operative weaves through traffic at 120 km/h.

05:48 UTC — Arrives at extraction point northeast of Tehran. Israeli stealth helicopter (callsign: Black Fig) lowers cables from cloaked altitude.

05:48 UTC — Operative hooks in, rises into the sky, quickly obscured by low cloud-cover.

Mission Control (comms): "You didn't finish your tea, Commander..." Operative J: "No time. Culture destabilized. Democracy pending."

PHASE V: POST-OP STATUS

13:32 UTC — Operative beamed up from Jerusalem then debriefed aboard Zeta-9. Cook and waitress abductees returned with improved recipes. Waitresses decline memory wipes and request asylum in orbit.

Mission success: All operational objectives accomplished.

Diplomatic fallout: Alien involvement may have been exposed. GFC operatives currently roaming the exfil route deploying memory wipes...

Aerial dive, Country Cafe hobnob, Motorcycle chase and Skyhook cinematography: Streamed live to YouTube via head and body cams, All profits secretly funnelled to the O.S.E.R.*

Operative J's Israeli Institute for Intelligence and Special Operations המוסד למודיעין ולתפקידים מיוחדים (Mossad operative) cover remains fully secure.

Signed: Coordinator Tharn of the Galactic Fuckery Council

End Log

*Open Source Earth Resistance